after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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