so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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