So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
