You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
