If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
