Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
