It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
