it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He better not be in your backpack
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
