I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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