"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
