The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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