By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've blown a few things in my day
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This is the high leading the old right now
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
