Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's never too late to be topless.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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