don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
