dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
