I understand Curling. That high.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
