Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
