Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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