Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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