i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
