he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Everyone says I win the strip club
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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