And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
