Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize