so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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