I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
