I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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