What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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