just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
