you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
