Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The uberlube is also flammable
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
