i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
