I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
