Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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