Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
