I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
