so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
