i don't like sucking hair
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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