woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
