She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
