So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
