I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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