Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
no you cant smoke seaweed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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