Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
a search helicopter?!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
