Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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