Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
