i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
