So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
