i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
