Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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