I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
