Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
