I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
