the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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