I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize