So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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