hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize