Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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