I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize