I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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