It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
