She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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