its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
