I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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