he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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