We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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