Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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