She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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