who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
