And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
