You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize