How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
