Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
did you get engaged???
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We are all done wearing pants today
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
