Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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