I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
