wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
