no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
