i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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