I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
