He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize