No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
