so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
