What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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