My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the room spins SO much faster in panama
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
