It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
