____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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