sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
