I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize