when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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