Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
