Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My life is pants optional.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
