somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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