Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
