By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think your dad took our porno
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
