look no pants
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
well most of my day revolves around power hour
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We had sex on a dog bed..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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