Small penises have feelings too.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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