she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
