guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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